Tomorrow, I’ll be turning twenty five years old. Twenty five years of lies, deceptions, controversies and sins.
But life will not offer you good things all the time. There will come challenges, there will come trials. It’s our decisions that will make us who we are.
In my twenty five years of existence, I have experienced to be on top and to be at the bottom. It is very much exciting to be on top. It will make you proud. It’s going to make you forget others. Most of all, it will make you forget yourself. And forgetting yourself will make you destroy you with out knowing it. Yes, I have destroyed myself. I have made a monster out of my decisions. I have made a monster out of me.
Jealousy and greed is really something. They are the worst thing ever. And these two have taken hold of my personality, have taken over my soul, have a hold to my heart- and my brain. I let them entered my body. I let them represent me in various ways.
Lies and deceit have conquered my heart and my world and my ideas. I have done things- extra bad things. I have lied a million times. I was able to deceive many people, including myself. To lie is my nature and to deceive is my hobby.
Thief. I am a thief. I steal people’s ideas, lives. I have stolen many things, including my reasoning. My reasoning is so powerful that it can make wrongs turn out right. Decision making is not for me because my decisions will always be based on what I want.
Cruelty is also me. I love my parents, yes. But I never showed a single proof about it. I only want things for myself. I dream of things without my parents on the picture. I dream of being successful by myself, without thanking others, even my own blood. I want things done for myself alone, nobody else. I’m very much ungrateful.
Sin, as defined in the Holy Book, is something that I am. A sinner. A great sinner. Maybe, the greatest sinner of all time. I educated myself with Words from the Bible, I know death and I know life. I have chosen to be dead. I always choose to be dead. Even when I say Hallelujah, even when I jump and sing to praise, I am choosing death.
Our sins will always haunt us. It will always linger. It will always remind us that we are not deserving of anything great. That we don’t deserve to live. That we should die. That we should kill our selves. That we should kill other people too, in every way that we can. Our sins will murder us.
I know I have been eaten alive by this world. I know I have been caught up on this game called life, I’ve always believed that there’s no chance for me to ever recover, to ever live, but I was wrong. I can live. We can live.
To be continued.